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### The Elements of Statistical Learning

### Numerical Optimization

### A Modern Introduction to Probability and Statistics

### Time Series Analysis -With Applications in R

### Applied Statistics Using SPSS, STATISTICA, MATLAB and R

### An Introduction to Programming and Numerical Methods in MATLAB

### Graph Theory

### Lattice -Multivariate Data Visualization with R

### The Concise Encyclopedia of Statistics

### Handbook of Financial Time Series

### Asymptotic Theory of Statistics and Probability

### An Introduction to Ordinary Differential Equations

### Data Manipulation with R

### Ordinary and Partial Differential Equations

### Bayesian Computation with R

# Math Sex Jokes

Are you 2x? Because I want to integrate you from 10 to 13!

I derived your mom last night.

It was f prime.

How is sex like math?

1. Half the time I get an odd result.

2. If my hands aren’t enough, I end up using my head.

3. I always wonder how the person next to me is doing on his work.

4. My average at each is pretty dismal.

What is 69 and 69?

Dinner for four..

Dinner for four..

What is 6.9?

Good sex interrupted by a period.

Good sex interrupted by a period.

Q: If you go to bed 8 hours before you have to wake up, and your wife wants to have 2 hours of sex, how much sleep will you get?

A: 7 hours, 57 minutes – who cares what she wants!

A: 7 hours, 57 minutes – who cares what she wants!

At this moment 5 million are having sex, 2 million are in gun fights, 91 million at a party, and one sad loser is reading this joke

A graduate student of mathematics who used to come to the university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle. “Where did you get the bike from?” his friends want to know.”It’s a `thank you’ present”, he explains, “from that freshman girl I’ve been tutoring. But the story is kind of weird…” “Tell us!” “Well”, he starts, “yesterday she called me on the phone and told me that she had passed her math final and that she wanted to drop by to thank me in person. As usual, she arrived at my place riding her bicycle. But when I had let her in, she suddenly took all her clothes off, lay down on my bed, smiled at me, and said: `You can get from me whatever you desire!'”

One of his friends remarks: “You made a really smart choice when you took the bicycle.”

“Yeah”, another friend adds, “just imagine how silly you would have looked in girls clothes – and they wouldn’t have fit you anyway!”

Q: How are math and sex the same?

A: I don’t get either one.

A: I don’t get either one.

A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in a psychological test. They sat on one side of a room and waited not knowing what to expect. A door opened on the other side and a naked woman came in the room and stood on the far side. They were then instructed that every time they heard a beep they could move half the remaining distance to the woman. They heard a beep and the engineer jumped up and moved halfway across the room while the mathematician continued to sit, looking disgusted and bored. When the mathematician didn’t move after the second beep he was asked why. “Because I know I will never reach the woman.” The engineer was asked why he chose to move and replied, “Because I know that very soon I will be close enough for all practical purposes!”

A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend. The physicist: “A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment.” The mathematician: “A wife. You have security.” The computer scientist: “Both. When I’m not with my wife, she thinks I’m with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it’s vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me…”

Why does 1+1=1?

1 male + 1 female = 1 baby

1 male + 1 female = 1 baby

Q: If you have two friends and six women, how many women do each of your friends get?

A: None.

A: None.

Q. How do you teach a blond math?

A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.

A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.

Before I root you, are you over 18?

“What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?”

“She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me.”

“I don’t believe that she cheated on you!”

“Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns…”

“She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me.”

“I don’t believe that she cheated on you!”

“Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns…”

*Sex is like math:*

Add the bed,

Subtract the clothes,

Divide the legs,

and pray to God you don’t Multiply!

Add the bed,

Subtract the clothes,

Divide the legs,

and pray to God you don’t Multiply!

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